Week of February 4, 2004

"Again" (oh no, not the song again)
"I want paint pot"(Thomas Meets the Queen)
"I want Mummy and Daddy" (wailed from bed)
"I want go upstairs" "I want Bunny and Elphie"
"I want go living room and lie down" (also at bed)
"Owey uses potty, Daddy uses potty, Mummy uses potty, Maggie uses potty"
"Daddy has teeth, Mummy has teeth, Maggie has teeth, Bella has teeth, Owey has teeth"

Owen's had a really tough time settling down lately. We were pretty spoiled, our efforts for a bedtime routine had earned us (we thought) a pretty smooth bedtime. We paid our dues crying it out (ugh) and ended up with a routine we all understood and accepted.

We tried to make our routine comfy, soothing and predictable. And at the end, most of the time, Owen would hand us his milk, hop off the couch and happily run into his bedroom. There, he stands in front of his crib waiting for us to pick him up, kiss him, and settle him in next to Bunny, Elphie, and now kitty. We put on his fish (our Fisher Price Aquarium), start Loreena McKennit's Book of Secrets, and we were off duty for the evening. This is usually by 7:30 or 8, and we'd have an hour to do our thing before we started our own bedtime rituals.

Alas, it's been a bad couple of weeks. Owen is crying and looking for comfort through "our" time. Our noises distract him, he's looking for more stories, any way to delay bedtime. It's all a struggle.

Is he wanting to stay up and read more stories, wanting more fun? Are his fears of monsters making bedtime more fraught with anxiety? Is he too antsy to settle down? His fear of monsters and bad sleeping seems to have escalated since Marshall died (his daycare person's husband, and someone who also cared for the kids when he was around to help). Perhaps it's just Owen's age, but it does seem like the death effected the kids greatly. Although I know in part, that's because Diane is different, more sad as much as she tried to hide it from the kids. She tries to make it all normal around the house, but the kids know things are different. We're all trying to just keep moving forward.

We're at a loss about how to help Owen sleep though. We've lost our nerve for crying it out, I think. Maybe it's the steady chorus of "Mummy Daddy, Mummy Daddy, I want Mummy Daddy Up" that's making it so hard. And in the beginning, one extra story would settle him right down. It seemed vastly better than hours of crying and going to pieces. But things have escalated, with just an occasional night of normal behavior. We don't know what to do, but take each night as it comes and try to treat it like a stage. We're now trying to just pat him and keep him in his room, and we're hopeful that will improve this, and we'll move to the next stage.

One thing I feel particularly guilty about is curling up with him on the couch half way through the night. It settles him down instantly and we all have a chance of sleeping. Scott is such a light sleeper, it's the only way I know of to give him a chance of sleeping the 2nd half of the night. If Owen is up, we're all up. Sound carries well, and speed is essential for both Owen and Scott. I can sleep through anything, both Owen and Scott seem to be light, edgy sleepers.

Diane was speculating that Owen is experiencing a mental growth spurt. He seems to be adding to his information processing and ability to communicate rapidly, and I can't get over the changes that the last few months have brought. Explanations really are digested, and when Owen understands something, his behavior can be very responsive.

I realize he's still a toddler, but I feel like there's a analytical, caring person in that small head and his personality is unfolding like an onion. I've always loved him, but slowly we're emerging from a caretaking relationship to one that's also very companionable and loving in both directions. I'm not sure what the shift is, exactly. Perhaps because Owen continues to be more emotionally and physically expressive, I feel we're communicating in two directions more effectively and it's sustaining. I don't just know that Owen loves me on faith, he shows it more obviously. And he interacts with us much more emphatically. Before, I'd often speak to Owen because I knew it was the right thing to do, and I was taking it on faith that he understood what I said. I treated him like a person because he was a person. Now I know he's understanding all I say, and even when he's not paying attention, he remembers all. I treat him like a person because he acts like a person.

What Owen's doing.

The song we listen to in the car and at home: "Every Cloud has a Silver Lining" When I say listen, what I mean is it's the only song that plays. We went from constantly pressing play, to just setting the player on repeat. It must be a innocuous song because we can still stand it, though I notice we both fight to change to the radio after we drop Owen off.
The story of the week: "Paint pots and Queens"
We've also watched some Koala Brothers (especially the intro song) and Clifford.
We've also read Green Eggs and Ham a lot, and Goodnight Moon.
For train play, we've been focused on making a really long train, with endless derailments that are accidental and cause for tears. Tight curves and top heavy cars, a bad combination.

Owen's language chugs along. Sometimes he's using phrases that he's heard us say ("None shall pass" "I'm going to get you" "What are you doing?") but in places that are original and completely appropriate. Other times he's implementing his own combinations "You found me!"). With his language development and increased cuddliness ("Group hug!"), this is a wonderful stage.

We've been trying to get out in the morning, when it's not too cold (i.e., over 10 degrees without wind). Owen loves a chance to run around, and we spend a lot of time looking at the snow, trying to find squirrels, checking out the Chinese dragon at Panda, and looking to see if we can make out the fish in the (dark) fishtank. We can't wait for the end of winter.

 

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