Week of October 29, 2003

The calling hours for the husband of Owen's daycare person were this past weekend. It's all very sad. He was a shriner and a part-time fireman, so the event was very crowded, flowers everywhere. Death seems much harder, when someone was in good health and loved. And death unexpected leaves a legacy of a greater devastation, I think, than those with a bit of warning. It's as though you're frozen into the moment when you find out, and your mind clings to the denial of what took place.

Very sad. I can't begin to fathom the implications of Marsh's death.

Diane never missed a day of daycare. I guess the kids keep her busy and distracted, or she's part of some value set which defies imagination. The funeral was Friday evening, the week after he died. We took Owen early on Friday, so Diane wouldn't have to worry about feeding him or his nap.

As an experiment, we took him to an Indian restaurant as a treat. He was bemused, and though he likes Naan, it seems that Owen just doesn't eat much at other people's houses, or at restaurants. He was getting tired, and I suspect picking up last week's tension as well, and by the time we got him back to the car, he was in a full blown meltdown. We're still not sure what we did "wrong" but that hour+ of heartfelt tears sucked the life out of us. By the time we got him through it, we were all spent. At least Owen got to nap, and it was restorative. I left him at home to quickly go to a Lab Opening party, and zipped back to get ready.

Owen was very good and let Maggie watch him while we were out paying our respects. It was a bit past his bedtime, and he's been sleeping so poorly all week that he developed a tremendous sleep deficit (as have we). By the time he started to fuss, she managed to distract him with a diaper change and PJs. I'm not sure if he was welcoming bed, or being compassionate to an uncertain caretaker, but he lay right down and let her do her thing. They looked very cute when we got home, and Owen happily trundled off to bed when it was time.

Of course he was up and down after midnight, which took some of the pleasure away from the calm transition. I ended up on the horrifically uncomfortable futon couch. What a long night. I hope to trade in our couch at some point, but for various reasons, we endure with it. In my fantasy life, I have a house with space (yay) and a Pottery Barn couch. Could I be more shallow?

Saturday was a day of socializing, and we were on the edge of our seats, worried about a repeat of Friday's meltdown. He held it together and while he wasn't his best, he managed not to go under and that's all we could have asked. I do wish he spoke in front of other people, but he's a cagey guy. We tried Bertucci's with Owen, a 1 year old and a 6 year old, and all I can say is traveling and hanging out with kids is exhausting (and they were all good!) It becomes more about survival than enjoyment, but we got through it and I think it was okay. Thank goodness for rolls. After that we made a visit to my Mom and an old friend of hers, so everyone could take a look at one another after an absence of many years. The house was filled with kids, and the visit was all too brief.

Then it was back to our apartment for the quick Halloween exchange ("chocolate") and fast chatting before they hit the road. I was impressed my friend made the 2 hour drive with two kids, I'm not sure I have that kind of courage in me!

Sunday was more relaxed, catching up on our sleep, and chores, and all the things one does when there's no schedule. Scott and I attempted to make Pad Thai, but we have to track down Jon and Sally's Moosewood recipe.

Owen continues to have large and involved train layouts on the floor. He can assemble a bit of track, but for the most part he just calls out "track, track!" and points. We try to incorporate elements he requires, and the turns and merges get complicated. If we're really unlucky, he's trying to drive his train a half inch behind us as we lay down the track. Thomas stuff is exhorbinant, but I think few children get as much mileage as Owen gets out of his. He plays with it for long periods of time, every day, from when he first wakes up to the end of the day. We're just lucky that he's willing to wind down away from them (of course, what do we ready? Thomas stories!).

He's getting pretty proficient at saying "thank you" to us, and today he asked for "hug!" It's pulls every heartstring, so that I can even forgive his true motive, which was to pull me closer so he could stick his hands down my front.

He's also been asking for "juice!" which is unusual. He started to sip Scott's occasional Saturday splurge of Orange Mango juice, but it had been a while since it was stocked. For a long time Owen's been a water guy. Obviously things change, or maybe he just likes a little variety on his taste buds. Owen's taste buds obviously follow his Dads, from ice water to Chai to Orange-Mange juice (if anything that's 20% juice can be called juice).

We're still picking up the park on our morning forays. If we can't find trash, he tosses sticks into the garbage can. He hovers anxiously as we sip our drinks, waiting for our cups to become trash. We've been enjoying the brave squirrel who sometimes visits, and tries to make off with Owen's carrot muffin. He's very brave, and comes right up to the stroller. Owen gets very excited and inevitably starts to chase him, but he keeps reappearing. It was very cute, the first day he stole a big chunk from the stroller tray. I like to think of him as charmingly brave, and not rabid.

For reading materials, we're thoroughly devoted to Thomas the Tank Engine before bed. At other times of the day he'll sample from his collection. He's also partial to a Disney serious from Stop and Shop featuring Pooh. They drive me a little crazy, but I suck it up since he likes them. For a while he really loved the pages where they're eating cookies, but I think he's moved on to a special partialness for Roo and Tigger in particular.

For videos, the theme of this week is "I want Percy Ghost Train" - strangely appropriate for Halloween. I'm getting a little tired of it, but Percy is a sweet train, and in spite of our many viewings, I still find TTTE sweet

Owen discovered the stereo this week, and to our horror, became fixated on it. We're trying not to make it more desirable by forbidding it, but at the same time, we'd like him to stop fiddling with the buttons. I know they're allure, O how the buttons called to me once. He moved from the On/Off buttons (hey, the lights all go on!), to the Volume button (Wow!), to the search button (Hmm). He can control the Volume really well, and I don't think fixated on turning up high until it became apparent that it was torturing Scott. When I was watching him he was just experimenting, and after an initial exploration set it back exactly to the volume it started it. I think it must be the perverse thrill of seeing Scott twitch (like screeching in public places, when he's with me). He discovered the knob that browses through songs, and I must sheepishly admit I didn't realize what that knob did. I wondered how we could browse through them. What was especially disconcerting was his next move, using knob to move from one song to the next. It requires a little dexterity to move it just far enough to hear the next song, but not too much so you go past. He'd listen to the song just long enough to ID it, and then would go to the next song until he'd browsed move of the CD and found his favorite. And then each time his favorite song ended, he'd run back to the stereo and turn it back to the beginning!

You can see how hard it was to reign him in promptly, we were curious about what he would do next. As we saw him browsing, we shuddered and reflected on what our future may be like…

Now if only we could only get him to use a straw!

We survived the time change, in spite of the previous week's sleep deficit. The new bedtime is fine, but we find he's still getting up by 4:30 or 5. He seems to be programmed to get just about 9 hours of sleep, but if he has to get less so he can be up by 5, he'll get less. It's rare now that he sleeps past 5:30, but he does it just enough to keep us eternally hopeful.

 

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