Jock Santa by Gerda Kunkel Twas the NIght Before Christmas And all thru the House Go the screams of the Missus, "My Claus is a louse!" Its all about Winning the Winter Sleigh Heat And Reindeer turd basketball sure can't be beat! The presents unlabelled, they're piled in a heap, If the shit of their sorting gets done, I'll not sleep! My children all love 'em, he's a real source of joy But then it does figure, cause Santa's a BOY He brings the neat boy toys -electronics so bold skips over the jewelry no silver or gold! So then in a twinkling I heard on the roof, The tinkle of beer bottles under each little hoof, Ho Santa, I thought, I'll fix you this time I leave you some cookies laced with Tequila and lime That fixed him; he sleeping, The reindeer run wild, Dropping turds by the thousands, in the grass; it was mild, And then he awoke to the sight of his spouse, Santa whizzed in the Chimney, then exited the house, and the next thing I knew, I heard him kinda mutter, I have to grease these sleigh runners with butter, The winter's so mild, the women so wild, no purpose to band us, A clutch of ex-Santas Give it up for Mrs Claus, She deserves our applause, Can you tell me how, to turn Santa into Reindeer Chow?