Jock Santa
             by Gerda Kunkel

Twas the NIght Before Christmas
And all thru the House
Go the screams of the Missus,
"My Claus is a louse!"

Its all about Winning the
Winter Sleigh Heat
And Reindeer turd basketball
sure can't be beat!

The presents unlabelled, they're piled in
a heap,
If the shit of their sorting gets done,
I'll not sleep!

My children all love 'em, he's a
real source of joy
But then it does figure,
cause Santa's a BOY

He brings the neat boy toys -electronics so bold
skips over the jewelry
no silver or gold!

So then in a twinkling I heard on the roof,
The tinkle of beer bottles under each little hoof,
Ho Santa, I thought, I'll fix you this time

I leave you some cookies laced with
Tequila and lime

That fixed him; he sleeping,
The reindeer run wild,
Dropping turds by the thousands,
in the grass; it was mild,

And then he awoke to the sight of his spouse,
Santa whizzed in the Chimney, then exited the house,
and the next thing I knew, I heard him kinda mutter,
I have to grease these sleigh runners with butter,

The winter's so mild, the women so wild,
no purpose to band us,
A clutch of ex-Santas

Give it up for Mrs Claus,
She deserves our applause,

Can you tell me how,
to turn Santa into Reindeer Chow?